Same Sex Marriage?

1.    Homosexuality is a private affair—a reality that society must respect. Same sex marriage is another thing. It is not a purely private affair. It is a social affair. There is a social norm and the same sex marriage is something new and added to what society is already having. We say that marriage is a “natural given”. A couple- man and woman—will have birth happening; a child comes into the world. Marriage is an institution in society implying thus a juridical aspect too; the law will protect the institution.

2.    Ok, so maybe today we have new ways of looking at things. Marriage is not anymore strictly linked with procreation. Marriage can be about sentiments, affection, feelings and not procreation. Ok, it is post-modernity or whatever "post" it may be, fine. The child does not necessarily have to be fruit of conjugal union. Well, conjugal union does not uniquely have to also lead to having a baby. Now, to have a baby—to desire having a baby—can also be done in other ways like adoption or surrogate ways.

3.    Ok, now is sentiment/feeling/affection now going to be the unique sense of marriage? Will the desire to have a child be part of marriage? If sentiment/feeling/affection can be norm for marriage then do we allow removing, for example, the prohibition of incest? If we delete the “natural given” of having babies then do we open the door for a papa to take his daughter for wife? …a mama takes her son for husband? …a sister takes her brother as husband? …a brother takes her sister as wife? Remember, we open the door to making marriage based solely on sentiment/feeling/affection.

4.    Now, let us go to the same sex marriage issue. This marriage will have to recognize marriage as an affair of sentiment/feeling/affection outside the natural norm of making babies. It is clear the same sex genital union cannot make babies. The members of the couple can have babies made but they do not make babies. This introduces in society a new psychic life…and psychic identity. It will redefine what is family.

5.    Ok, for the sake of the same sex couple who want marriage, we might say that this is about equality. If a man and a woman get married, why not the gays/lesbians, so the question goes? Fine. Will this means that hetero marriage will also be same as same sex marriage? A man-woman couple is not exactly the same as, say, a man-man/woman-woman couple. To establish an equivalence will require changing—if not denying—a reality of differences.

6.    If we put same sex marriage and hetero marriage in equal terms, then do we have to drop sexual differences? For the gays/lesbians to exercise their right of equality we will have to stop making the difference between man and woman a foundation. A new form of humanity will have to emerge. Right now we still live in a world of differences. But with the equality right of gays/lesbians then we might need a new way of living where we refuse differences.

7.    Now, a same sex couple cannot have children. Maybe some might find this sad. To have procreation we need a man and a woman. But then, in same sex marriage, the couple can ask for the right to have children. This is for the sake of equality, right? Does the couple adopt a child? But then, remember that what prohibits the couple to naturally have a baby is not “rights” but nature.

8.    Ok, let us talk of adoption. Still there is a difference between adoption of a hetero couple and adoption of a same sex couple. If a hetero couple adopts a child it is to address the problem of sterility. If it is a same sex couple that adopts, well…it is to go around an impossibility with the help of the law. It is not natural, then. It is not exactly in the parameters of “human nature”.

9.    Until now we might be functioning in a society where not everything is possible. But then, if we allow same sex marriage, then we can say that nothing will be impossible. It is now possible for same sex marriage—what was once impossible is now considered possible. We stretch beyond the parameters of the possible. The limit is put farther away. The line is farther away. Ok. In other words we do not have to obey nature, we have rights and science to extend our powers. Adoption and, as science can likely make it happen, medically assisted procreation can be done by the same sex couple. What was impossible for nature before is now made possible thanks to science and laws. We stretch the possible beyond the limits we know—the limits of nature. Will this be giving us a security? We might want this to happen but…it has a play with power too.

10.  The hetero couple will “make a child”. The same sex couple will “have a child made”. To “make a child” is to have two persons love each other; the fruit is a child and not a merchandise; not an object. To “have a child made” is…well, it looks like to have an object, a merchandise, a “product”. A woman’s womb will be for rent, for example. Or a man will have to change his biological system to have a womb implanted, something that imaginative techniques might just achieve. …. Which is strange.

11.  Now, in a hetero couple, there is the role of the mother and the role of the father to educate the child. How does this work if both parents are both males or both females? In a hetero couple the child can see who is father and who is mother. How does this work with a same sex couple? Let us say that we allow same sex marriage, it can happen that we thus remove the right of the child to have a father and a mother….  So the child grows up with a different psyche and likely will not be like the other kids with their papas and mamas. The child with hetero parents can say, “My papa and my mama”. The child of a gay couple will say….well…. 

Let me share a final word. In the garden of Eden, the Lord God gave the command to Adam. You may eat from all the trees in the garden BUT NOT from one particular tree. You may do whatever you want to do, but recognize the limits. There are things you would like to do but you SHOULD NOT do them because if you do them they will be cause of your ruin.