Trying to live skillfully

Would it not be fantastic if we have a secretary beside us all the time checking and correcting every wrong word or act we do? Take for example anger. Sometimes we might explode in anger and feel sorry later. The secretary will be there to stop us immediately from exploding.

But in real life we do not have anybody else to check and correct us. We are in-charge of what we say and do. There are moments when we hurt others. There are moments when we make the wrong moves, the wrong actions. We are responsible. Some of what we say and do have lasting consequences.

I am an old man and many of the things I did before continue to hold influence over my life now. What I did when I was young have consequences even today. Of course I did good things too and I am happy for their influence in my life now. But there were the bad things. I look back and say that I wish I was more "skillful" in speaking and acting before. To give a very simple example, let me talk of health. I have some health issues today that need medical attention and medical expenses. Some of these issues are results of my neglect of my health when I was younger.

We cannot delete the past. We learn to be thankful for the good things that happened and we forgive the bad things that happened. We really cannot hope for a better past. 

But what about today, in the here-and-now. As we live now, how can be live a little bit more "skillfully"?

It would then be important to manage well our words and actions so that we can avoid hurting others and bring more peace and calm and joy to daily life.

There is a difference between a falling fruit from a tree and a bird flying from branch to branch. The falling fruit just falls straight down without guiding itself. The bird chooses the branches and decides on where it will go. In anger, sometimes, we can be like the falling fruit. We explode in anger and we cannot stop it from hurting others. If we can skillfully manage that anger and know what to do with it, guide it, we can be like that bird that decides on which branch to move to. The falling fruit gives us the idea of living unskillfully. The bird moving here and there tells us about living skillfully.

Here is one method that might help. If not, then put it aside. So what is this method? Let us call it the method of "silence in the zig zag". 

Remember that figure of a line going up and going down? That is the zig zag. For every zig, the line going up, thare will be, later, a zag, the downward line. Then, after a zag will be a zig. 
Oh we might say that there are times when there is neither zig nor zag; everything is just flat. Maybe. But even in that flat line we can see, upon closer inspection, some amount of zig zag. The ups and downs may not be wide; but they are there. 

Life is a cycle of zigs and zags. There are always the ups and the downs. Joy. Sadness. Bright. Dark. Good health. Illness. If you are in a zig, remember that it will later move to a zag. If you are in a zag, well, prepare for the next zig. 

So what do we do? We need to learn to pause regularly to check ourselves. Is this relationship zigging or zagging? Is this work zigging or zagging? We need to pause now and then to evaluate what is happening to us. We need a room of silence in our hearts that need not have to react at once for every zig or zag. In this room of silence we just watch. This is crucial. Look at some events in your life when you did not give yourself enough space for pause; when you acted upon impulse; when you were so filled with emotions that you had no room for thought and reflection.

Life is also a little bit like playing cards...just similar to playing cards. We read our cards; we check if our hand is strong or not; we check what cards have already been dealt, etc. Playing our cards will have to pass through a good amount of pause. Now, if a hand is weak, we drop the play and say, "No, I am not playing this deal". If our cards are weak and we still play, imagine the loss! Life is a bit like this; life needs a lot of pause; a room for silence. And as we move up and down the zig zag of life, we need to give ourselves sufficient pausing. Is this not like the bird selecting which branch to move in and out? 

The room of silence in our hearts has a "minimum" and a "maximum". The maximum is that it facilitates us to beam with joy and life; we can move in daily life bringing so much brightness around us. We bloom so much.

The "minimum" is that we avoid making situations dark and gloomy. We avoid adding dark matter to daily life. We may not be so jumping for joy and transforming beautifully the world around us, but at least we are not adding burden to life. That is the "minimum" that the room of silence can offer us.

Right now were are having fun and we are very fraternal to each other. It looks like we are in a zig, I am in a zig. Fine. But who knows, maybe next week we will be quarelling and misunderstanding each other, we will be zagging. In the room of silence we give time and space watch, to obeserve.

What do we watch and observe? 

First, we observe how we treat our experiences. In daily life we always interpret our experiences. We always have something to say about the things around us, the people around us, the things we do, the things we hear or see or taste. So we say many things. It is nice. It is not nice. It is cold. He is funny. She is smart. The work is hard. The walk is long. I like this. I do not like that. Etc. In every zig or zag we are always saying something. We are always interpreting.

In the room of silence we then watch the interpretations we make. Let us illustrate. Here comes a friend approaching me. Usually I just start talking and conversing. But I need a pause, a room of silence to watch how I interpret this friend and how I intepret our relationship. Note that maybe for me this person is a welcome presence; precisely a friend. But for someone else, this person is an irritant and not welcomed. That is another interpretation.

In daily life we put our experiences in boxes and we say, "I Iike this, I do not like that, this is ok, that is not, etc." Again, we interpret and very often we interpret according to what we like or dislike.

Without that room of silence we just face our experiences without noticing how we interpret them, without noticing how we like or dislike. We just move on carrying our baggage of interpretations. We typify people, situations, work, relationships; we have labels for them. We are not aware that we do that and we are not aware of the labels we make. So, now and then we need to pause. How do we look at things and people around us?

Then we watch our motivations. We speak or act in-order-to make something happen. We speak words so that, later, they will have an effect. A simple gesture like saying hello to someone already has a future sense to it. So I say hello to someone and I expect that this gesture will make that person say hello to me. That is my goal. Maybe I have more goals in mind. I say hello so that the other person will say hello to me...so that the other person will be stimulated in lending me money. Ah! We can add to this. If the person lends me money then I can buy the thing I need. Ah! So my simple gesture of saying hello has the future goal of buying something in a store...and maybe I want to give it as a gift to someone dear to me. A simple gesture has many branches jutting out in the future--branches of plans and goals! We are not always aware of that.

We may not notice that in the unskillfull mode. This is why we need to keep some space of silence to watch where we want to bring our words and actions. We need to pause to check what influence we might want to bring in the future--near future or far future. 

Of course we do not have full control of the future but we can at least be more aware of our motivations. We can check and say, "Oh, I think I aim for something bad" or "I can see that I want a good result in my action now". We may not be in control of the consequences of our motivations; but we can be aware of our responsibilities. We can be more skillful in making more objective responsibilities. (This can be helpful in the notion of redemption. In the footsteps of Christ we need to check if we are promoting light or dark, life or death in our world.) 

We need a room of silence so that we can check our goals that motivate us to do or say things. We need to cultivate a good amount of pause, just watching while we cycle in the zig and the zag of life. Some people may have well cultivated their room of silence in their hearts they resemble more the bird freely selecting the branches to fly in and out. Hopefully we can be more skillful and free. A falling piece of weight has no skill nor freedom to decide where it will drop.

See if the method helps. The main thing to do is to have that sufficient silence that will allow us to avoid speaking and acting unskillfully in the zig and zag of life. With that silence we can watch what is happening to us, the interpretations and goals we make in the zig zag of daily life.

Of course, we do not remove the guidance that the Holy Spirit can offer us. This is why we pray, "Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful, en kindle in us the fire of your love".