Reflections on "Forgiveness"

Forgiveness. What is this? Those who pray the Our Father pray, "forgive us our trespasses". In that prayer to forgive is to forgive like the Father. The way the human forgives is aligned to the way the Father forgives. Something happens in the heart of the person who forgives and it is what the Father wishes to happen. 

If we look at what have transpired in our lives, the times when we forgave others, we might note two things. One is that the moment of forgiveness was an event. It happened at a precise moment. Also, it happened as if the forgiveness was like a "gift" to the person(s) who hurt us. 

1. Forgiveness then happens in an event with a date on it. It is something like this.

Time moves on with a hurt we cary in our hearts hoping maybe that the hurt will go away on its own. But then we also know that during all that time there is an ember that can be triggered to become a huge flame. A memory might arise and we realize that the ember is there inside. The hurt, the grudge, the pain still linger within. The flow of time has not thus guaranteed a new order of feelings and behaviour. The flow of time has not easily allowed the inauguration of a new happy life order.

Come to think of it, the event of forgiveness is like a "conversion" or a "surgical operation" that cuts out the grudges deep within. It is like a decision made, giving up the hope for a better past.

This is easier said than done, of course. The act of forgivness does not present a new situation as if nothing happened before, as if no hurt was ever done. It is more like constructing a new life. 

2. It is also like a gift. Oh, we might feel that the person who hurt us does not deserve the gift. That person who hurt us does not seem to have the right to be forgiven. 

For the person in pain, hurt and holding grudges, forgiveness may be unjustified.  Unless the injury remains unpaid and unrepaired there will be no forgiving of the other. Reparation and restitution belong to the system of justice. Of course we want justice. We need justice. 

But maybe there is something paradoxical with forgiveness because we give it as a gift even if we feel that the person who hurt us does not merit the gift. Imagine saying, "Oh I forgive you even if you do not deserve it". 

Are we capable of forgiving those who have really--and I mean REALLY--hurt us? Are we capable of looking for something beyond justice? What about ourselves, our relationships with our very own selves. Some of us might have done actions that make us hate ourselves and make us unforgiving towards our very own selves. Self forgiving can also be very difficult. 

So, the question remains: Are we really capable of forgiving? I do not know. What I do know is that there are perons who have been so hurt and have, nonetheless, been forgiving. To reply to the question I would like to look at the Our Father prayer given at the Sermon on the Mount. 

The prayer gives us a reference point. If we are to forgive we do it just like the Father. Forgiveness does not arise exclusively from our own decisions, it also "consults" what the Father will do in the same situation. So as the Father forgives, we do the same. We decide to forgive based on how the Father forgives. 

How does the Father forgive? Continuing with the Sermon on the Mount we can get a clue from the description Jesus made regarding the "perfection" of the Father. This is not a geometrical perfection. Rather, it is a perfection of the way the Father treats us all. The Father "makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust" [Matthew 5/45].

Something in each person remains untouched; it is conserved and must even be protected. A person may be "bad or good", "just or unjust". but that person remains to be a child of the Father and has the human dignity of being a child of the Father. The creation story will say that the person is "image of God". 

No matter what any person does or has done, the sun will rise on that person, the rain will fall on that person. There is no discrimination here. To forgive is to keep this in mind. No matter how I have been hurt--by others or by myself--I must remain constant about the fact of human dignity and the fact that each person is image of God. Justice and mercy need to have their focus on this dignity. If I find it so difficult to accept others and to forgive those who trespass against me, I need to however continue functioning based on the respect of human dignity, the respect of the image of God. Never must I violate the dignity of anyone and always, when the occassion is given, must I promote the dignity of others even if consider them as "intolerable", so to speak. This, if I am not mistaken, is the "bottom line", the "non-negotiable" level. 

I might have difficulties with my dislike of certain persons and I might even fall in the cultural trap of relating with others in terms of liking or disliking them. Much of social life, in fact, seems to me so unforgiving towards particular, disliked, persons. However, the Christian faith in the dignity that God has bestowed on each and every single human person must serve as a solid foundation.  The "minimum" we can do in forgiving others-- and ourselves-- is to keep the recognition and respect for human dignity.